lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
