last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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