that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
