The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
