just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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