he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
