Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
