did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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