Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
