I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
