I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Every concussion has its silver lining
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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