I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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