and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
