put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
