it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
