Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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