She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
