Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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