I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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