The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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