sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
