Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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