She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, he came in my armpit
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
