its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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