I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
