why didn't you poke me back
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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