dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
