i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
