No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
