I am puke
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
