I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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