Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
