There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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