Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
