I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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