Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
