Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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