I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
