I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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