What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
