dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
