Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
