She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
