Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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