I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
