hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
