So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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