He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
