so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
