O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
